For: Me … basicallY

~Another prompt. Another possibility chaotic post.~

I need a break from the responsibilities that I took on due to the pandemic—responsibilities that were for the sake of safety and the longevity of my family—and still do to this day. If you know me you kinda know and if you don’t know, just keep reading.

My resolution for 2023 was to have an identity outside my mother and sister.

Pre-Covid, I briefly did and it was fun. You had to be there or you can relive it on Instagram. But I haven’t had an identity, one of my own, outside of my family for most of my life. And I’ve kinda accepted/tolerated my reality and have convinced myself that my beliefs are my own but they’re a result of others peoples bad decisions and

We actually spent more than time together that year—going to several concerts, football games, and traveling together to New Orleans and Washington D.C. together. I wanted that for us especially after being Covid-safe for so long (not those trips necessarily—not at that time or for the reasons).

Fast forward to the present, my hope for this year is still the same—“To have an identity outside my mom and sister” which means prioritizing me, my needs, and wants without feeling guilt, being seen as selfish, or being pressured into making an experience meant solely for me into a family trip that will require me to overextend myself. ***A recent example: our family trip to Washington D.C. in November was supposed to be a just me/school trip but it wasn’t.

I’ve just discovered boundaries (a zillion years later but go me) and I implemented my first boundary with my mom and sister on the last day of January.

And on Saturday, I told my mom, “thank you but no” to her offer of paying for a trip for us to visit the university I’m attending. I received an invitation to join an organization at my university because of my GPA and there’s an induction ceremony on-campus in March. Although it would be a great opportunity to visit the campus for the first time, meet my instructors from last semester and network with fellow overachievers, it wouldn’t be a just me thing. That and my workload is massive this semester—4 law, 1 finance and 1 accounting classes plus an in-office internship 3-days-a-week. I took more classes last semester but I had 7 days to work on my assignments.

I just want March, April and May to come so I can be less busy.

~March is Spring Break. I want to spend it alone in Mexico but I’ll most likely will spend it at home getting ahead in my lessons and reading.

~April is when I’ll be done with my internship. I like the organization and the employees but I hate having to commute to an office. I just like the routine of getting out the house.

~May is when the semester ends 🥳 and it’s also my birthday month. I’m not a big celebrating my birthday person but I want to spend it doing things I enjoy. My birthday last year wasn’t for my enjoyment but for my family’s enjoyment. Again, I would love to be alone in Mexico or be “reckless” in New York 🤍